The idea of a “dai kam” (Chinese bridal chaperone) was so obscure that it never occurred to Vie—short for Vie Siong—for this niche profession to become his calling in his late 20s.
A bridal chaperone reminds us a little of a wedding planner who combs through ceremonies, or a host that sets the tone of an event. Sometimes, even a trustworthy family member you’d turn to for marriage advice. For Vie, a bridal chaperone is a consultant: giving pre-wedding briefs on all the traditional practices of a Chinese wedding, talking to the couple to understand their stories—and the synergy between the family members too—advice on the dos and don’ts, coordinating with people involved such as photographers or makeup artists, and as the name suggests, guiding the couple on the actual wedding day.
While the role has typically and traditionally fallen on the shoulders of a matured—and experienced—lady, the media practitioner-turned-chaperone thinks the idea is passé. “I bring in a fresher perspective that the younger cohort will appreciate. To be frank, some of these practices are redundant and have lost their relevancy today, so forcing them onto the young couple only steers them away from preserving the culture,” Vie comments. The very two-sided gate-crashing games, for instance, have been an infamous modernised ritual that many elders were concerned had been taken too far; a waste of time, even. “I understand their concerns. But these games are important. It’s a fun and quick way to break the ice between the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, and also the couple—not everyone is close to each other to begin with and if they get to know each other better, it helps smooth the process in the later stage.” Also, for a generation that catches everything on camera, which would be more memorable: a video with footage of genuine laughter and fun versus a video of ceremony after ceremony? The answer is apparent.
His age, however, is also a double-edged sword. “Does he even know what he’s doing?” is a question thrown at him all too often, especially with bigger families. After all, too many cooks spoil the broth. There are subgroups in the cultures, each with an overwhelming amount of practices that most young people have a poor grasp of. And to that, Vie overtly admitted that he is not a know-it-all. Dialects, for example, are not something he is comfortable with, despite it being a useful tool to score more jobs. But his lack of fluency does not bother this young man in his early 30s. “At my age, I know my strengths very well. My Mandarin is better than my dialects, so I will stick to clients who are looking for a Mandarin-speaking chaperone. I’m at a stage in life where I should sharpen my existing skills instead of picking up new ones,” he says. The same mindset also applies to the doubts and distrust when it comes to his gender, in which he replies, “I understand if people question my skills, but age and gender are not something we can work around with, so it is what it is. I don’t think I need to explain further or convince people who fail to accept this.”
Despite not being common, a male bridal chaperone is not a novelty. In fact, it has been around for at least a decade. The misconception of the role is that it’s a one-off job that any eloquent person can hold a candle to, when the truth is, it is a physically demanding position—wedding days can start early in the day, and chaperones are required to keep that energy throughout the day. A younger man is, in theory, physically more capable of this. As much as he wishes to hold onto the baton longer to preserve this tradition, he doubts that he will be in this seat for too long. “I can’t imagine myself doing this in my 40s, for the sake of my health. It’s taxing,” Vie continues. And as someone involved from the early stages of wedding planning down to the very last bits, a project would, ever so often, last for months. Hence, it’s not surprising that with all the unforeseen circumstances, these job opportunities would fall through. Yet, there are no specific rules, laws, or even associations to protect a bridal chaperone.
“Do you still believe in love, then?” I ask Vie, after listening to the good and atrocious experiences he has dealt with and witnessed—not just weddings but also relationships—after being in the industry for eight years. “Frankly, it’s hard to move me with a carefully designed and curated event anymore, even if it’s a wedding. But I will still be flustered by gestures of love in all forms. I guess when you are so exposed to the idea of love that once you spot one that is genuine, you will recognise and cherish it even more than a regular person would do,” the love maker enthuses.
Photography: Ng Joe Ee
Creative Direction: Joseph Cheng
Producer: Lorraine Chai
Hair: Zac Lee
Makeup: Eranthe Loo
Photography Assistant: David Ong
Styling Assistant: Sarah Chong
Styling Intern: Adrianna Haris
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