Far be it from me (a woman who struggles to complete 5k on a cross trainer) to pass judgment on the adrenaline-fuelled, pressure-ridden antics of world-class athletes. But, the mishegas of the 2026 Winter Olympics has been something to behold.
In less than three weeks, the Games have provided enough chaos and controversy to rival, or dare we say eclipse, Love Island: All Stars, a show that just so happens to be on at the same time. For all the cheating scandals, penis-gate rumours and proud parents shouting “I’VE CHANGED HIS NAPPY!” as their son takes to the podium, we know which one we’ve been tuning into.
Yes, this year’s Winter Olympics have been one for the history books. Olympic records (eight) and world records (one) aside, it’s perhaps the first time athletes have had to properly contend with the power of social media. Every embarrassing press junket, controversial backflip or rumour about the Olympic Village running out of 10,000 condoms in three days (for 3,000 athletes) made its way around the world and back again before the snowboarders had even stuck their landings.
The tone was set early on with #PenisGate – a viral moniker that the International Olympic Committee was no doubt thrilled about – when allegations emerged that ski jumpers were injecting their penises with hyaluronic acid in order to fly further. A Dolomites acid trip, if you will.
Naturally, this led to an investigation by the World Anti-Doping Agency, but the International Ski and Snowboard Federation’s communications director, Bruno Sassi, said there was no evidence of this happening at the Olympics, dismissing the allegations as nothing more than a ‘wild rumour’. That was until Alessandro Littara, a surgeon who specialises in penis-enlarging operations, told USA Today that he injected a ski jumper with hyaluronic acid just last month, reportedly because the athlete “wanted to avoid embarrassment in the dressing room”. The rumour mill is still turning on this one.
Then came Norwegian biathlete Sturla Holm Laegreid, a man whose pitiful mountain top tears we cannot seem to erase from our mind’s eye. Not only did he decide to tell his girlfriend that he’d cheated on her a week before competing in the Olympics, but he then proceeded to tell the world on live TV just after he’d won a bronze medal. “Half a year ago, I met the love of my life. The world’s most beautiful and nicest person,” he began, apropos of nothing. “Three months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her, and I told her about that a week ago. This has been the worst week of my life.” It’s safe to say his ex-girlfriend was not present in the audience. May the rest of the year bring her nothing but peace.
Week two was just as dramatic. There was a Valentine’s Day hullabaloo between Team Canada and Team Sweden on the curling sheet (very Heated Rivalry coded) when Sweden accused Canada’s curlers of ‘double-touching’ their stones after they’d passed the hog line. If you understood a word of what we’ve just said, we’re impressed; if not keep up because the rules are crucial to understanding the drama. At one point, Sweden’s Oskar Eriksson told Canada’s Marc Kennedy that if he doubted he’d double-touched, he could happily provide a video of it (thanks to the new camera placement). “You can fuck off,” Kennedy responded, ever the perfect sportsman.
The following day, one of Team Canada’s female players also got done for… you guessed it, double-touching. And that wasn’t even the end of it. A few days after both games had concluded, Kennedy came out accusing Sweden of launching a ‘premeditated plan to try to catch us’. What did all of this verbal jousting actually lead to? Well, World Curling issued a statement about Kennedy’s deployment of the word ‘fuck’ and another reminding players of the double-touching rules. Either way, it’s the most we’ve ever thought about curling, so that’s surely a win for everyone.
When it comes to Winter Olympics chaos, a special mention goes to Ilia Malinin. The US figure skater became the first person to legally land a backflip on ice at the Olympics in five decades – just not when it really mattered. He scored 200.03 during the team event, wowing the crowds and swiftly going viral on social media, only to fall over during his free skate, losing 72 points and failing to win a medal. “So many eyes, so much attention,” he lamented. “It really can get to you if you’re not ready to fully embrace it.”
All this before we’ve even mentioned the Olympic Village orgy rumours, the fact several athletes pushed their bodies to the limits for four years only to be handed a broken medal (oops!) and Team GB snowboarder Huw Nightingale’s parents who went viral for shouting, “The parents of the Olympic champion, YEAHHH!” and “I changed his nappy!” from the side of the slopes.
Milano Cortina, you’ve been a fever dream. The 2030 Winter Games certainly have big ski boots (and leotard crotches) to fill.
This story first appeared on GRAZIA UK.
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